December 16
Lord, save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
Mark Twain
I was asked to write a story about something I have hoped for, what I learned from this hope, and where God was with me in this hope, but I am writing a story about when my “hope tree lost the faculty of putting out blossoms”.
I was about 47 years old. I had run since I was 30 and I was active in my daughters’ sports team. Overall, I was pretty healthy and while I knew I was getting older and maybe a little slower I was still running with my running partners at the Y and at work. However, over a short period of time I noticed that running was starting to become a chore. I never was really fast, but I was running 20 to 25 miles a week depending on whether I was training for a road race and now I was laboring to run to 3 miles. |
I regularly gave blood and I received a letter from the Red Cross that my last blood donation was rejected because it showed that I had some form of hepatitis. I went to see a doctor and while he didn’t find evidence of hepatitis he told me that I was anemic. It made sense to me that my running problems were related to too few red blood cells carrying oxygen to my body, but the doctors couldn’t tell me what caused the anemia. I went to see several doctors including a hematologist. I spent 24 hours in the hospital getting an intravenous injection trying to boost my red blood cell count. That didn’t work. I tried iron supplements. That didn’t work.
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I was developing more varied symptoms. My skin started to turn yellow. Of course, the doctor suspected something was wrong with my liver and I had a liver biopsy which came back negative. Every time the doctors suspected something and tested for it, the results were negative.
My energy levels were way down. We had an opportunity to go to Israel and while I made it through the trip, there were several times that I couldn’t participate in an activity. I felt like giving up on the doctors. Every road I went down didn’t lead to an answer. My hope was built up and then knocked down and the next time the hope level didn’t quite rise so high. I remember Doreen telling a friend that I had lost hope.
My symptoms grew worse…slow speech, lack of energy, weight gain, hair loss, dry skin, and feeling cold. I remember shivering while watching my daughters’ soccer games and I couldn’t wait for the games to end. This is from a guy who really likes soccer. Finally, the worsening symptoms led to the diagnosis of an under active thyroid (hypothyroidism). Luckily, the illness can be treated with one tiny pill. You just need to get the dosage right.
Where was God during this time? At the time I wish I knew. Losing hope is like losing God. Looking back I realized God was with me in my wife, family and friends. They were trying to nurture my hope tree and wouldn’t give up even though I felt like giving up. I see how important it is for us individually and as a church to nurture hope trees so that they can bloom.
During this time of advent, time of waiting, time of hope, where are the hope trees that you can help nurture?
Tim Bottone
My energy levels were way down. We had an opportunity to go to Israel and while I made it through the trip, there were several times that I couldn’t participate in an activity. I felt like giving up on the doctors. Every road I went down didn’t lead to an answer. My hope was built up and then knocked down and the next time the hope level didn’t quite rise so high. I remember Doreen telling a friend that I had lost hope.
My symptoms grew worse…slow speech, lack of energy, weight gain, hair loss, dry skin, and feeling cold. I remember shivering while watching my daughters’ soccer games and I couldn’t wait for the games to end. This is from a guy who really likes soccer. Finally, the worsening symptoms led to the diagnosis of an under active thyroid (hypothyroidism). Luckily, the illness can be treated with one tiny pill. You just need to get the dosage right.
Where was God during this time? At the time I wish I knew. Losing hope is like losing God. Looking back I realized God was with me in my wife, family and friends. They were trying to nurture my hope tree and wouldn’t give up even though I felt like giving up. I see how important it is for us individually and as a church to nurture hope trees so that they can bloom.
During this time of advent, time of waiting, time of hope, where are the hope trees that you can help nurture?
Tim Bottone