I was part of the very last group of folks in the federal unemployment extension. The stress and increasing depression from the job search dragged me down, especially as the federal part kicked in after the state one ended. Job search rules were stricter under the federal program, with greater oversight, and I continued to get nowhere – if I got a response at all, it was no, and getting an interview was tough.
I was feeling unwanted and unneeded. In our modern culture, so much of a person’s worth is built around their work. I hit a really low point in October and in real terms passed from pessimism into negativity. Now those terms may need defining. Pessimism still admits some hope – the so called silver lining in the gray cloud, but negativity as I experienced it, is an absence of hope. It felt like I was hitting rock bottom with no capability of bouncing. I tried to conceal it as best I could, but I was sinking.
At the end of October, I went to a Halloween Party at a friend’s home. There, something miraculous happened. A friend of my friend, one of those wonderful empathic-types, picked up on my very down mood and offered a lifeline through a course of guided meditation.
It was a process, but as I proceeded with this person’s help and support from other friends, I began to experience hope again, to find something to look forward to in my life. I decided that I would define my own life values and that “work” in the sense of having a wage-job would not be how I defined myself.
I believe God put this person in my path at a time when I truly needed help and the restoration of hope. With HOPE, I look forward to each day. I have a future of value to share with others, including the St. Paul community, for however long God grants me life – a life now filled with HOPE.
Quinton Johansen